Month: July 2016

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Not perfect

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I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve tried to be “perfect”, how many times I’ve wanted to show how strong and powerful I am as a person, but the truth is, I am really not like that.

I know nobody is perfect in this world yet I keep wanting to show that I am more than just that. It’s just part of my personality. I don’t like to show my flaws, my weaknesses it makes me look a bit pathetic but I am human too, I can have flaws, right? I compare myself to other people, which is wrong, you’re not suppose to do that, yet I can’t help it. I am not saying my personality is made up or anything, I am who I am but I may not show everything on the surface because it’s something I’d rather not do. I’ve done a lot of things in life that a lot of people would never dare to do yet I keep calling myself weak. Maybe because I expect myself to be more than that? Who knows.

Why am I venting this? Good question, I don’t know. This is my place to think out loud after all so I just went ahead and wrote it all down.

– Siara

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It’s not About the Money

There are so many people that I’ve met in my life that have complained about their jobs and how unhappy they are with their situation.

I understand that it can be hard to find something you love to do and the struggle of finding something interesting to study. What I don’t understand is that people who has a job, complains that they don’t like their job. I am not saying it’s wrong to vent out about your situation but if you really are unhappy then why the hell are you working at that place?? People might not admit this but the real reason behind this is because it’s scary and it might lead to discomfort when quitting your job.

When I mention the word scary, I don’t mean it like it’s spooky, I mean it like the world out there is scary and leaving your job might get you into a situation you might not like. Getting into a situation that you’re not familiar with might make you a bit worried, it could be that you won’t find a new job anytime soon and you have to keep spending your savings (if you even have any). Perhaps you find another job that doesn’t give you the same wage (that is mostly the case if you change your roll). All of these things might leads to discomfort. But if you don’t make any changes, how are you gonna move on? How are you gonna grow and be happy? Is money really everything? People got it all wrong. Even if you earn a lot of money but you’re doing something you hate 40 hours a week, 160 hours a month, then what’s the point? This is what I hate with the society.

Someone I know is studying to become a doctor so I asked her one day why she wanted to be a doctor and her answer was: “Duh because of the money” I seriously got speechless when she said that (and then I scolded her afterwards for saying that)

I would NEVER want to be treated by someone who is a doctor due to the wage, what kind of bull is that? That makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like the person don’t want to help me at all. This is a major problem, people are getting the wrong idea. Becoming a doctor is about helping people not stealing money from them. Sigh, we’re living in a sad world. This is only one example out of many but you get point where I am going with this.

I was at the hospital the other day (long story) and this nurse told me she was working overtime (not sure if she was complaining or not) and then I said – “It’s good that you love your job” she looked at me and chuckled, “Not really I am just doing it because the pay is really good” she laughed out loud when she said that. I then smiled awkwardly back and said “You should’ve probably not have said that right before poking that needle in me” she laughed out loud once again (she thought I was joking but I was not). Things like this makes me angry. I know there are people out there that don’t know what they want to do but they keep doing their same routine over and over again. I am not saying she should change her job but she could’ve at least kept it a bit professional rather than mentioning that she’s doing it for the money.

It’s not about the money, it’s about happiness.

– Siara

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Stuck at home

I didn’t think I’d be stuck in bed this week. I feel like someone has punched my stomach 100 times in a row and I feeling the after effect of the result. I want to do things but I can’t, I feel so unproductive. Doing nothing sucks and I have no patience at all. It’s quite funny that I am reacting this way. People would normally love being stuck in bed, watching movies all day and just chill. I am quite the opposite, I want to go to work and be creative. Meh, no streaming too…boo.

Oh well, enjoy this awesome photo from Disneyland. Pineapple icecream…take me back.

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– Siara

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Gyros and climbing (well..sort of)

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The other week was a nice sunny day and me and a lame person decided to enjoy the weather and just go on a lame adventure. I wanted to have Greek Gyros soooo bad so we ended up going there just to eat some. This stuff, is good stuff. My life would’ve been ruined if food was considered as a drug. I would’ve been struggling so bad : ( so I am happy that food isn’t bad for you c: unless it’s something super unhealthy and it reduces your life span by half…then again I would eat it anyways lol

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So I ended up playing around at the park with these bars. I am so weak though but I tried my best to do one at least haha (I held on like there was no tomorrow :’ ( )

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In the evening I decided to buy pizza lol so bad for you but I was craving for pizza so bad. I wish pizza was healthy and spinach was not…I don’t like spinach.

– Siara

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Bought a “Penny Board”

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I am not sure if this was a good idea or not yet. I have fallen once but it was on a quite soft surface…what if I fall on a harder surface next time? What if.

There is one thing that I always wanted to learn and that was how to skate. I think skateboarding is the coolest thing ever. I’m so fascinated how people can ride them AND do tricks! I did own two skateboards when I was a kid but I was too scared to learn how to ride one properly (due to my clumsiness) so I just sat on it and rolled down a hill with it lol  Man I must’ve embarrassed the skateboard community by doing that.

FYI –> I looked up the definition of a Penny Board and saw that it’s not a type of a skateboard but just a brand name in Australia, so this kind of skateboard is just a short cruiser skateboard made in plastic with bigger wheels. So I ended up getting this kind of a skateboard rather than a regular.

So yeah,, it’s been like two weeks days since I got it and I am able to ride it very VERY slowly lol but I’m gonna practice until I am a more confident with the balancing. And yes, there are bunch of what if’s here and there but how am I suppose to live life if I keep thinking what if? That’s why I decided  to buy one. Butt away “What if” !

– Siara

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Do I Miss Los Angeles?

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A lot of people have asked me this question for the past year. Do you miss America? Do you miss Cali? LA? Whenever they do ask, a piece of my heart shatters. For those who don’t know, I used to live in Los Angeles for over 3 years. I have been in Sweden for about a year now. There were a lot of reasons for my move, if it weren’t for those reasons I would’ve stayed longer. I’m not gonna lie, I loved LA. The weather was amazing, the people were kind and my friends were the best. The distance was just too far away from Europe and it was too hard to maintain my relationships in Europe. I think about Santa Monica everyday, it’s crazy I know. I keep thinking about the same path I would walk everyday from school and my internship. I keep thinking about the evening walks I would take by the beach.

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Do I miss Los Angeles? Yes, everyday.

– Siara