Category: Life

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The Purpose in Life

Do you ever wake up in the mornings thinking,

– “Here we go again” or “Another day”?

The older I get the tired I get with certain things. I realised being a child was easier, no responsibilities nor any worries. As soon as you walk into adulthood you realise how hard it is to actually cope with everything.

I remember when I was about 8 and I was thinking to myself how much I hated growing up, I didn’t want it. The older I got I noticed my friends wanted to grow and turn 18 as soon as possible so that they could move out and do their own thing. I was the complete opposite, I wanted to stay at my parents place as long as possible.

Of course I would occasionally feel frustrated with my parents and I too wanted to do my own thing (teenage years were the worst due to the hormones), but that happens with everyone. Being a teenager is part of growing up and it is normal to go through those emotions in life.

Being the kid that didn’t want to move out at anytime made me became the complete opposite when I turned 18. I wanted to grow outside of my comfort zone and decided to move out sooner than I expected. At the time, I was together with this boy and he ended up breaking my heart one too many times. After that experience, I wanted to change, I wanted to do something for me for once and no one else. So I decided to move to another country by myself, all the way to California. Why? Because I felt like that was my calling, my purpose in life.

When I moved I learned a lot, and when I mean a lot, I mean A LOT. America was completely to Sweden, the fact that I had to pay to wash my clothes was a big shock to me. The washing machine was in the same apartment complex, but I still had to pay to use it! In my eyes that was absurd! That is when I started to realise how good we had it in Sweden.

I had to start living independently in a foreign country. It was a big challenge for me because I was alone and I had no friends at the time but at the same time I felt like it was my purpose to do this, my mission, my path to take.

I wanted to grow as a person and to experience things by myself. I realised that life is full of surprises and that whatever you plan for, it is not set in stone.

My plan was to stay in the states for 10 years, or even forever after my graduation, but I met a man that changed everything I had planned for. I realised I had another purpose in life after I met him, that was to spend my life with him and to stay by his side.

He came unexpectedly into my life and that made me change everything. It was a risk but I thought if I don’t do this then I will regret this for the rest of my life. I did not want to live with that regret. I was happy before I met him but when I met him I felt like I was on cloud nine all the time, he made my life better just by his presence. If only he knew how much.

Life is full of surprises and you cannot control the obstacles in life, you have to face them and decide what to do with them. Nothing goes smooth in life, nothing will be served on a silver plater.

Your purpose in life will always change, shape, grow and make you fall. It will always be like that, on shuffle. One day you might even be stuck in a limbo and that is when you have to make the decision to change for the better, like you waking up thinking “Another day, here we go again.”

Perhaps you’re not living life the way you want to? Only you know the answer. Don’t punish yourself with these feelings, try to find that purpose and change.

It will be for the better, especially mentally.

– Siara




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I Asked Him to Marry Me

Silly title,
Silly subject.

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear someone got engaged?

How did he propose? 

I sent a picture of my ring to my friends and I got a few interesting reactions. Some didn’t realize it was a engagement ring, whilst others connected the dots right away.

The first question was,

“How did he ask you?”

I smiled.

I mean how would they know?

Since the beginning of time, it’s typical for a man to ask a woman for their hand in marriage, but why is that so? I thought we were suppose to be equal? I thought a woman can do whatever she wants to do? So why does the man have to ask? Why put all the pressure on him?

Every culture share different ideas with the concept of marriage, in some countries you have to ask permission from the partners parents first, others you don’t even get to choose your partner. Some might see them as silly wedding traditions, whilst others see them as sacred.

Why did I ask?

I always told myself as a kid that I would ask someone to marry me if it felt right and if I was ready. I didn’t expect my partner to ask me nor would he know that I would ask him. I would just leave it and see who would ask first. Even if he did beat me to it, I wouldn’t have had any hard feelings. If it happens, it happens.

I wanted to ask him to marry me in Paris because that’s where our relationship started many years ago. Was he expecting it? No. Never in a million years. Did he know that I had something planned? Clearly not, his face said it all.

It took him 10 minutes to realize that I was asking him to marry me. At first he thought that it was a prank, which I found hilarious.

I handed him a gift and told him it’s an early birthday present. He opened it and saw a pen with the engraving,

“Will you marry me Joshua?”

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The next day, he bought me a ring in Paris and put it on my finger.

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That’s what happened. I asked him to marry me and now I have a fiancée.

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– Siara

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Greed

How low can you go? How much would you sacrifice to gain? To control? To become inhumane?

There are people out there that would even sell their soul to the devil to achieve anything in life, to kill, torture, sell out and to take advantage of. Perhaps some of these examples are a bit extreme but this is the truth we are facing in this world. We might not see it all because it’s getting all filtered in the media, to make it more “mild” perhaps.

Being taken advantage of might not be as something serious as the other examples I wrote above but it does hurt regardless. Imagine if one of your closest friends suddenly talked bad about you behind your back…saying she/he is only friends with you because they would gain benefit from it, not because they like you or consider you as a friend. Sure you can cross her/him off your friends list but is it really that simple? To remove someone you care about from your heart?

I’ve come to realize many years later with certain friends that I still think fondly of them even though they treated me like trash. I don’t know why but it’s something my heart doesn’t allow me to do, it’s like safe block deep down in there. I find it ridiculous but I always see the good in people, even though they treated me like I was an object. I wonder if it’s because I pity them, pity that they’re living such a sad life by greed, for not knowing what the real meaning of life is. I can’t put myself in their shoes, I wouldn’t do that to anyone, I would feel filthy, ashamed and miserable.

My conclusion to all of this is that, we all are lonely, but greedy people might suffer with a deeper loneliness that a lot of people would never understand. Perhaps they’re the ones that are in desperate for help, that needs to be pulled out of the gutter.

I pity them.

– Siara

 

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Honesty

Whenever you face something in life and think or have regrets…does that mean you’re being honest to yourself or to the person you’re with?

I have learned a lot these past few years. I’ve learned that life is short and that every person you meet in your daily life (aka strangers) won’t be around the next day. When I see someone standing at the bus stop or in my local grocery store I always smile automatically to them because I feel like it’s my duty to do so. If I see someone have the coolest outfit or something that I think looks amazing (make-up, hair, shoes etc.) I let that person know because I think that they deserve hearing that.

I have a little voice in my head, this voice reminds me when I see someone that I need to talk to this person and tell them how I feel. It’s weird I know but I feel like if I don’t tell them how I feel then they will never know. I like to be honest and I like to share my thoughts out loud. I mean sure, we shouldn’t be too honest at times because that could be considered as rude but you get my point.

If you’re being honest with people from the bottom of your heart (not just strangers) it opens up a new relationship. People end up being more comfortable with you and appreciate your honesty. Denying and telling people what they want to hear won’t last you long in terms of relationship. If a friend of mine is trying a dress that doesn’t look good on her body, I am not gonna tell her it looks good just because she wants to hear that herself. Of course I might hurt her feelings if she actually liked the dress but in the end I want her to know that I want the best for her and not just pretend to like what she likes just to satisfy her beliefs. Of course, I wouldn’t go so far to say or tell certain things to a friend because I knew it would hurt them, there is a limit of course. I am a very straightforward person but I do also care about peoples feelings (I am not a robot after all)

It’s important to be honest with people because if you’re not, how are they gonna trust you? Being “fake” nowadays seems normal and it’s sad to see that among friends.

You can define fake however you want, that word can mean so many things nowadays so I am just gonna leave it for your imagination.

– Siara

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Planet Earth, my home, my place.


There is something that has been bothering me for quite some time now and I wanted to vent out here about it.

“Where are you from?”

This question is one of the most commonest questions people end up asking when they meet for the first time. I have been so sick of hearing that my whole life and I always wondered why I thought that way.
It took a while for me to realise why and it was because I was too young to understand it. When I would reveal that I was born in Sweden, people would always have that look on their faces…that judgmental, confusing look. Then, they would ask more questions regarding my looks.

“Why aren’t you blonde?” “Are you really Swedish?” “Where are you really from?” “Why do you have dark hair?” “You look too exotic to be Swedish”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind when people ask me about my origins but there are nicer way of asking than the “Why aren’t you blonde?” question. “What is your heritage?” is a perfect example and I bless the people who have asked me that in the past instead of the other questions above.

My parents are from Iran, hence the reason why I don’t have any scandinavian features. Although, I still consider myself as Swedish because I was born there, I grew up there with the culture and the people.
But that’s not why I am writing this, it’s something else that is bothering me.

All my life I have been questioning where I actually belong at and where I would call “home”. I’ve always felt so lost and confused when I dwelled about it. Traveling made me forget all that, it made me feel like I was welcome wherever I visited.

Planet earth, my home my place is a poem made by Michael Jackson and the way he described the Earth was very simple yet unique.

I would read and listen to that poem multiple times when I was a kid and I couldn’t quite understand it back then but when I got older, it made more sense to me.

“Planet Earth, my home, my place
A capricious anomaly in the sea of space
Planet Earth are you just
Floating by, a cloud of dust
A minor globe, about to bust
A piece of metal bound to rust
A speck of matter in a mindless void
A lonely spaceship, a large asteroid
Cold as a rock without a hue
Held together with a bit of glue
Something tells me this isn’t true
You are my sweetheart, soft and blue
Do you care, have you a part
In the deepest emotions of my own heart
Tender with breezes caressing and whole
Alive with music, haunting my soul.
In my veins I’ve felt the mystery
Of corridors of time, books of history
Life songs of ages throbbing in my blood
Have danced the rhythm of the tide and flood
Your misty clouds, your electric storm
Were turbulent tempests in my own form
I’ve licked the salt, the bitter, the sweet
Of every encounter, of passion, of heat
Your riotous color, your fragrance, your taste
Have thrilled my senses beyond all haste
In your beauty, I’ve known the how
Of timeless bliss, this moment of now
Planet Earth, are you just
Floating by, a cloud of dust
A minor globe, about to bust
A piece of metal bound to rust
A speck of matter in a mindless void
A lonely spaceship, a large asteroid
Cold as a rock without a hue
Held together with a bit of glue
Something tells me this isn’t true
You are my sweetheart, gentle and blue
Do you care, have you a part
In the deepest emotions of my own heart
Tender with breezes caressing and whole
Alive with music, haunting my soul.
Planet Earth, gentle and blue
With all my heart, I love you.”

We are so focused on “my country” “their country” etc. etc. but in the end, we all live on the same planet, the same planetoid. We share the same water, the same soil…we are all one. So why can’t I say that I live on “Planet Earth” ? Why do I have to say Sweden? Why does it have to be so specific and why do some people despise other races around the world? We aren’t strangers, we are all the same..we are humans.

This is why I enjoy traveling, I can visit different places on our beautiful planet, enjoy the moment, the history and the beauty from different perspectives. I don’t like saying Sweden is my home, because it feels so limited, it makes me feel empty and sad.

For the past 10 years I’ve whispered these words to myself and it’s something that keeps me going towards my destinations in life.

I am from..Planet Earth. It’s my home and my place.

– Siara

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Expectations

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you read that word out loud? “Expectations” ? Is it a negative word or a positive?

Whenever I hear that word I think about, success, failure, sadness and happiness at the same time. I used to have expectations a lot in the past because I always thought positive back in the days but in the end, I realized that doing that would just hurt my feelings. I am not saying that you should think negative, not at all. My point is that if you have high expectation of things, you’ll end up getting disappointed and hurt. Nowadays, I end up not getting too excited over things and just take it as it comes. Sometimes, people might say things in the heat of the moment and when the time actually comes, they have already changed their minds. It has happened to me so many times and I just ended up changing my way of thinking to make me feel better.

So next time when you hear some news, take it as comes, don’t get super excited. That’s my advice for you.

But then again, you can do whatever you want. I am just a goofball writing this early in the morning whiles eating pizza, don’t listen to me.

– Siara

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Talking to Strangers

Weird title I know.

So recently, I’ve had the urge to talk with strangers. I randomly compliment them, talking to them with a big smile on my face. Most of them always get surprised when I do that, they think I am actually crazy. I used to have this habit before too, just randomly smiling and saying hi to people. I feel like if my existence can make someones day a little brighter then why not give it a go. It’s free and you can actually make someones day or entire week, it doesn’t hurt to try it.

Challenge of the week.

Compliment 3 strangers by the end of this week. If you fail, you have to donate $10 to a charity.

– Siara

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How to Achieve your Goals

Have you ever had goals you couldn’t achieve? Goals that were impossible to achieve that you could only dream about? Well I’m here to tell you that those goals can be possible as long as you follow them the right way. It’s not easy to get there without knowing the basics first. I’m here to give you some advice on that and hopefully you’ll get a hint of what to do after you’ve read my post.
1. Don’t aim too big yet.
I’m not here to crush your dreams, I’m here to guide you to your ultimate dream. You might have one goal in sight but you have to remember that to be able to get where you want to go, you need to do smaller goals before you’ll be able to reach the ultimate one. So rule number one is to not aim big…yet. Just divide your goal into sections so that you can achieve them, step by step in your own time/tempo.
2. Surround Yourself with Positivity and with Encouraging Friends.
This is really a important one. Achieving a goal isn’t easy at all, if it was easy then everyone would be successful in life. There is going to be ups and downs and you’ll end up having negative thoughts about it. Being negative won’t get you anywhere, matter of fact, it will slow you down on your journey. Negativity will lead you to take a break from it all and it will suck out all of your motivation. It will help a lot if you have good friends to vent this out to, to people who understands you and your situation. They will help you out emotionally and be by your side during the hard times and of course the good times. Keep your chin up and keep fighting.
 3 –  Plan Ahead
Planning is your best friend. Make sure to have a list of things to do, schedule and prioritize things in life. If you’re aiming something like “losing weight” then start researching what diet is suitable for you and how many days a week you just start working out, time etc. You have to plan ahead, if not then everything will lead to chaos and frustrations. If you have a hard time writing your schedule/planning down digitally then get a planner that you can have in your bag. Writing things down can be more motivating than using your phone. I prefer using a planner, it works better for me.

4 – Never Compare Yourself with Someone else

 This rule is a critical one. Comparing yourself with someone who is successful or your “goal” will lead you to misery. You will keep thinking about fast tracks/shortcuts to your goal and there is no such a thing as shortcuts. It’s your path, your journey and it will take a X amount of time to achieve it. Along your journey you will experience lots of failures and mistakes, that’s how it works. Nothing will be served on a silver platter for you. Although, mistakes will lead you on and learn. You’ll grow from your mistakes, failures and become better and better.
Note that there is a difference between looking up to and compare to though. You can have someone to look up to! The result will give you hope and positivity which will make you strive for your goal more.
5 – Motivation Boosts

Motivation is so important for your journey. If you don’t have any motivation then how are you going to walk forward? It’s important to be inspired! Find things that boosts you up! Save your favorite quotes as your background picture on your phone, computer etc. Have a poster somewhere in your home/office. Small things like that can boost you up and give you more energy! Put up some “post-it” post around your working space. It helps, trust me.

6 – Find a Mentor

If things gets out of hand of your journey and you don’t know what to do, find a mentor. It might be hard to find someone to guide you towards your goal, a good one especially. The mentor should be experienced in the subject you’re interested in (music, sports, design etc…).

7 – Don’t be “perfect”, be Original 

Yes that sounds a bit crazy doesn’t? But I am being 100% honest. Don’t be perfect. No one is perfect in this world, there is no such a thing as perfection and if you try to be perfect then you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Everyone has flaws in this world and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Being someone you’re not will wear you out. Just keep fighting to your goals step by step and you’ll get there as the person you are today. You will shape yourself  and become a better person along the way of your journey, no need to do so since day one. Be original, be yourself. There is only one of you in this whole wide world! Just be you.

 

 

I hope these pointers will get you were somewhere with your goal. Remember, it all depends on you and no one else. This is your life and your journey and it’s up to you to make things happen.

– Siara

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California – May 2017

For those who didn’t know, I was away during May. I was in California, mostly in Los Angeles. I had a lovely time with my other half and I spent time with my best friend who I had missed dearly. Two whole years since I saw him and it meant the world to me to see him again.

I met some of my friends who I had also missed dearly. I didn’t have a lot of time so I wasn’t able to see everyone which was a shame. Doesn’t mean I don’t like them less or anything it was just lack of time and place. For those who were able to meet me, I was very happy to catch up.

We rented a car and traveled all over the place. The longest route was to San Francisco. I had been there before so it wasn’t anything new but I went there to see my friends and to explore once again. I went to San Jose for the first time and it was quite warm compared to San Francisco. I was so surprised. The place we were staying at was in San Bruno and it was foggy AF there, like Silent Hill foggy. I was not fond of that weather at all. The place we stayed at had a indoor pool so I was freezing when I went to point A to B just for that swim. As soon as you leave that area, the fog is gone and you see the sun shining through, crazy. Not staying there next time I am down. *Shivers*
I think I lost time of how many times I went to the Cheesecake Factory but one thing I was disappointed was that I didn’t have my cheesecake : ( of all the things to miss. Vanilla Bean and Oreo Cheesecake…I will get you next time.

I had my Korean BBQ though, bless. I love Korean BBQ and we don’t have that self frying pan, whatever you call it here and I am mad disappointed. All you can eat BBQ is like heaven, gosh I am drooling just writing this. Calm down Siara.

Tender Greens is nice too. Not the comfiest place to sit and eat but the food is worth it. Kinda healthy…I guess.

The only fast food I actually enjoy eating is In N Out, nothing beats that. It’s not AMAZING like everyone says it is, because I feel like everyone is overrating it but it’s definitely a go to place if I would pick a fast food place. The animal style fries…yes please.


Okay I just realized that I am writing about food again which is a bit depressing. I did do other things than eating food. I went hiking in west LA, I went to the beach, hired a bike and biked around the boardwalk. I also went to the Santa Monica Pier (my hoooood) and went to the small cozy Santa Monica arcade like the good ol times.

I went to Little Tokyo in Downtown LA and had Japanese Udon noodles. (damn it food related again)


All of this made me so emotional and it’s crazy how my three years in LA went by so fast. It’s a place I adore and it will always be my home no matter where I am in this world. I have moved to a lot of places and whenever I wonder back on memory lane, LA pops into my mind. I will never let that go, it’s my happy little place and I was blessed to be able to live there.

I hope this post didn’t get cheesy and too much food related. There is also a video montage if you’re interested to watch. Hope you enjoy.

– Siara

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Is it Impossible to get Over a Fear?

Is it impossible to get over a fear?

Is it really? Or is that something we humans have put into our brain so that we don’t dare to face them? There are many questions regarding this and usually the case in this scenario is that people ignore their fears rather facing them. Why? It’s because it’s “easier” to just ignore it and pretend like nothing is wrong in the first place.

I’m here to tell you that fears are not impossible to overcome. I used to be one of those who’d rather ignore it and just get along with my life but due to a certain decision in my life I had no other choice to face that particular fear.

In 2012 I had decided that I wanted to move to America, California, LA. The distance from Sweden to LA is 8827 km, and it takes about 16 hours to get there with an airplane, including one layover. I have a fear of being “trapped” (not literally) as in, being inside an airplane for X amount of hours without being able to leave. That freaks me out. If I ride a bus I know that I can get off whenever I want on whatever stop but an airplane is a different story. I had never been on a long flight alone before too which made the whole experience even more difficult. I had no other choice than just get along with it. I decided to move and that was the sacrifice I had to make. I’ve taken about X flights within 2012-2017 and I never thought it would be able to get used to flying oversees back and forth from America to Europe. Today, I am way stronger than I was back in 2012 and that’s because I dealt with this fear rather than ignoring it.

So what’s my point with this post? Just to prove to you that a fear can dealt with as long as you are brave enough to face them. Don’t let that stop you from achieving a dream or getting stronger. You will learn and grow out of this.

It’s kinda funny writing about this because I’m actually on a plane right now heading to London. It just popped up into my mind.

 

– Siara