Not perfect

You know, I would say, humbly, that i’m exactly the same.
I have always tried to be perfect. Perfect in every sense.
Not sure if it’s because I’m the oldest among my brothers and sisters, I have to somehow set the example. You’re probably the oldest child of your family too I don’t know but i’m sure it has something to do with it, when you’re the oldest you naturally become a role model for your siblings, the yougests.

Anyway, but no matter, deep inside, I have always tried to be perfect. Trying to be most perfect I can ever be.
In the sense that I think I can be a better human being than others. I never hold a grudge for too long and always forgive for example. I guess it’s personality too. I’m not sure this is the right think to do though because while I have these “rules” for me like “don’t do to others what you would not like people doing to you” others don’t have it, they don’t have this way of life.

It’s not a crime to want to be strong and perfect, far from it but one down side that I think it has is the expectations. Sometimes, maybe I expect a lot from others because of that. Sometimes it shows and I’m sorry for that. Or when you’re too nice with some people it, too benevolent and you see that they are not like that it hurts. Just don’t expect people to be like you. They are just “humans” ^^

I don’t like to show my weaknesses either. I hate to feel weak and vulnerable that’s my personality but I tend to believe that nobody with a decent mind and self esteem is like that.
The Art of War being my favorite book doesn’t help in that department either. And when I found myself in a weak position I will pretend I am strong and fine.
You’ll never see me furious or very angry, raging etc… I think nobody has ever seen me angry, or crying for that matter. Because that’s emotions that I never really want to show. As you said, I feel pathetic when I show my weaknesses. I want to feel control and strong.
In a way this is stupid I confess it. It’s probably difficult to get to know me, i guess.

I don’t think you’re weak Siara. Obviously I don’t know you much even though this blog allows me to know some facettes of your personality but you give me the impression that you’re a pretty strong and mostly very independent young woman and that’s something I can appreciate.
Of course you’ve done things that people would never dare to do and I will tell you which one:

You left your family and those you love to pursuit your dream. Thousands of kilometers away from your home country. I can tell you that’s very brave and couragious. And you succeeded.
I have a lot of respect for you because of that. I really don’t think a lot of people would do that. Sincerely.
A big jump in the unknown.
It’s funny because right, while I’m writing this, I’m thinking about the analogy between you and Ash from pokèmon lol
He left his house to follow his big dreams of adventure and become a pokèmon trainer (a pretty common theme in animes and mangas by the way and even Zelda lol). In some ways that’s what you did.

I am someone lucky enough to have had traveled a lot too. A bit like you but mostly across europe. I love a bit of adventure as I have always been fascinated by Marco Polo for example but I have never really been able to follow my dream the way you did. Chapeau mademoiselle.

What I want to say is that you’re not weak, you are very strong in my book. And I pretty sure following you, keeping up with you must be quite challenging hahah 🙂 And that’s enough for me to say that you’re a very strong woman.

Anyway, why am I venting this? lol
I don’t know. It’s not even my blog. Reading you gave me the desire to answer I don’t really know.
Most importantly, I feel the same but never talk about it
All I know is that I don’t want to write a novel every time you post something lol.

I would conclude by saying though that of course we are not perfect. Nobody really is. And perfection is such a subjectif concept that nobody can be perfect in the eyes of everyone.
But trying to reach your own goals, your own perfection should be THE goal. Be as perfect as you can be. As beautiful as you can if it makes you happy and a better person. I know that’s what I’m trying to do everyday.